Nowhere To Run To Baby, Nowhere To Hide...

Where to start...Well I must say, the last 12 years have been trying. Since I know no one reads, no less, even knows that this blog of mine exists, this is probably as good a place as any to put some thoughts of mine down.  And like I said, the last 12 years have been trying, though the last 6 months or so seem to really be testing my patience.

Six months ago, I was laid off from my job as a graphic/web/marketing person.  At first, I figured I would be back on my feet within a month or so.  I had money saved, my confidence was high, my options seemed limitless.  Well, 6 months later, I am still unemployed, savings have dwindled dramatically, confidence has fallen, and my options seem to get smaller everyday.

Normally, I would weather "the storm", knowing the sun will still shine tomorrow.  But this time it has been hard and seems to be getting harder. And its not just because of the reasons mentioned above.  No, the main reason I'm feeling this way is because the passing away of my friend Ed last February (02/21/14).  Though it's been a year since his passing, the best part of our friendship is what I'm finally missing.

At first I missed our "hangin' out", discussing everything under the sun, from politics to the latest tabloid news, from pop culture to trash culture, from discussions on morality to sharing/debating different philosophies.  That is what I missed the most the first several months or so.  But since my "crisis", I realize what I really miss, and that's his support through thick and thin.  He was the one who was always there for me. The one I could talk to when things were going great, and the one whom I could talk to when things were going bad.

Ed was the one who was there for me when my brother Chris passed away 12 years ago.  The start of EVERYTHING becoming "trying".  It was the first time I ever had someone close to me, pass away. And it was a shock to say the least.  Though he was ill with Lupus for over 20 years, it's still not something you expect to happen.  Or at least I didn't expect it to happen.  My older brother. The person who probably had the biggest influence in my life.  From my sense of humor, to my musical tastes, to my political leanings...there was not facet of my life or personality that was not touched by him.  He was like Wally Cleaver to my Beaver Cleaver.  I looked up at him in awe.

And then he was gone...